Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there! Are you enjoying being waited on hand and foot and told how wondrously magical you are?
Because that's what my mom tells me I'm supposed to do.
To celebrate, I'm going to transcribe actual conversations between me and my mother. Afterwards, you'll all be nodding your head and saying "That explains a lot. A lot."
Me: What do you want for Mother's Day?
My Mom: You know, I'd be happy with a card with a nice message in it.
Me (long pause): Can I please buy you something?
My mom: Who's Cee-Lo Green?
Me: A singer. You know, F**k You.
My mom: Hey! F**k you!
Me: No! That's the name of the song!
My mom: What song?
Me: F**k You!
My mom: F**k you!
Me (realizing she's being annoying): Stop it! That's the name of the song!
My mom: And it's on the radio?
Me: Yes! All the time! They don't say F**k You. It's usually bleeped or "forget."
My mom: How does it go?
I try to mimic the song. It does not go well.
My mom: Never heard of it.
Me: Yeah, well...