Sunday, October 24, 2010

The List

Okay, so I came across this online. Also this and this (thank you the daily but those aren’t relevant. Just awesome.

But it got me thinking about what the rejection slips of today would be like for those of us who have sent query after query only to receive the polite brush off of: “It just isn’t right for me.” Granted, there are some occasions where a manuscript really isn’t what the agent represents, but when it isn’t right for anyone, you start to think maybe it’s the writing, not that it’s inappropriate.

So for you, I made the Agents Rejection List that I’m sure you hope will never come with a returned mail/email. Feel free to add more in the comments!

Dear Writer:

Thank you for the opportunity to look at your work. Unfortunately, I must pass for the reason checked off below:

1.     I’m already representing something similar.
2.      I don’t represent that particular genre.
3.      It just didn’t resonate with me.
4.      You had “was” nine times in the first paragraph. It’s like you live in the past tense.
5.      I’m not sure if what you sent me is actually in English.
6.      Unoriginal. There is already a book about a vampire boy falling in love with a human girl.
7.      Not interesting. The first five pages you sent me are all background on the main character. So were the second five pages.
8.      150,000 words? It’s freaking middle grade!
9.      100,000 words is still too much.
10   I doubt I can secure the one hundred thousand dollar advance you requested.
11   You used the phrase “fiction novel.”
12   You misspelled my name.
13   It’s “heroine,” not “heroin.”
14   I’m leaving agenting to be a rodeo clown. Don’t try to find me.
15   Is this a joke? Okay, Chris, you got me. I fell for it. But no one could write a book this bad and mean it. Wait, you were serious? Let me laugh harder.
16   I’m pretty sure I rejected this book last week.
17  Have you even heard of spell check? F7 buddy. F7.
18   My client list is full.


  1. Bahahaha I loved the list!!! I'm still laughing my butt off!! I was going to share my favorites but there were so many that I loved that I can't choose!

  2. LOL! Love it! I mean, yeah, why the heck can't they be more specific sometimes??? I get a lot of "This isn't the right feel for me, I'm sure someone else will feel differently." UGH!

  3. This is so funny! Great list! Sometimes it would be nice to get the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

  4. How about
    Dear Writer,
    You just made my editorial assistant lose her marbles, she does not want to continue in this profession anymore thanx a bunch

  5. Lol on this one.
    Sadly, I think I've been guilty of a couple of those myself. Oh when will I learn to not rush and proofread?

  6. Terrific list. Here's hoping that agents out there see it and adopt it - it would make Rejection Friday more fun, if nothing else.

  7. Thanks! I'm glad you guys enjoy it! Sorry about the screwy formatting. It's what I get for using cut and paste. The only problem with them adopting this list is they'd use it on me!


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