Things Not to Have in your Twitter Profile

Another Twitter post because honestly, I just keep stumbling across some bizarre things. I don’t know how people do it on The Face Book, but on Twitter, the skill is being able to describe something in 140 characters, or 160 for your profiles. It can be a challenge, yes, but don’t trip into the following Profile Pitfalls:

1. Don’t have nothing but hashtags.

#writer #person #something else #a bunch of other things #all in one word #so what I’m doing here is a little misleading #but you get it

Somehow I have doubts about your writing ability if your profile only has one word hashtags. PS: same goes when you have nothing but nouns punctuated by commas.

2. Nothing but links to your book.

www.buybookone.com, www.buybooktwo.com, www.buybookthree.com, www.doitnow.com, www.seriouslyiknowwhereyoulive.com

It’s one thing to promote your books. It’s quite another when there is literally nothing about you. To me, this seems like a red flag that this person is going to do nothing but spam tweets with these same links in them, and sometimes I like to actually connect with people on Twitter.

3. Nothing but shortened links.

www.acoupleofletters.com (really www.younowhaveavirus.com)

I don’t like shortened links. You don’t know where they lead to and it’s like picking up some strange in a bar: it could be all right, but it could also infect you up the wazoo. I generally do not follow back people with shortened links. It’s another red flag that you’ll be spammed, and it’s probably not going to be something as innocuous as book promotions.

4. A quote from somebody else.

“Something really deep.” Misattributed author.

Generally, these tweeters also have nothing but quotes as their tweets, too. Back when I first started on Twitter and didn’t really get was going on, I followed a few of these people. I got nothing but spam DMs. Lesson learned.

5. Really creepy descriptions.

I like fairies, and unicorns, and skinning people alive, and wishing wells.

Okay, that’s exaggerating, but you get the idea. Someone once followed me with the description of both “14 year old” and “amateur psychoanalyst.” There’s just something off about that. How about this one: “I WILL ELIMINATE YOUR NEGATIVE ENERGIES!” It’s almost a threat.

Okay, so that’s all for today. Remember, if you’re on Twitter or might be someday, don’t be a spammer. Or a creep. Really, really don’t be a creep.

Kicking Us When We’re Down

It was announced in March, but in the hubbub over Reader (sob), I overlooked it (I certainly didn’t see a notice for it like others did). The horrible news is…TweetDeck is being canceled. Murdered, if you will. I assume because it’s something I like. Also because they can’t really make money on advertising when people go through the desktop app, but like I care about that.

In all fairness, it’s not being completely taken away—in exactly one week, I might add. It will still be available as a web service, much like all the aggregators I’ve been reviewing over the past month. But I used the desktop version, amusing since I also posted how I didn’t like desktop readers. I just think it’s different with Twitter. I like to check it, well, a lot, and I’m often online at the same time. For whatever reason, I prefer to keep my TweetDeck separate from my online stuff.

Right now I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I could go with the online version of TweetDeck, even if I really don’t want to. I could also switch to another desktop app, of which there are painfully few. There’s one called MetroTwit, which isn’t terrible, but it starts up very slowly for me. This might be my computer, which isn’t exactly high tech. Either way, I’m not sure I’d like to put up with this every time I open the dang thing. However, it’s also a pretty nice app. It shows my new mentions/messages when I open it, I was easily able to customize it similar to my TweetDeck set up in the few ways it wasn’t already a close copy, and most importantly, I’m able to send a tweet by hitting enter. Yes, that is very important to me.

So I’m caught between the online TweetDeck and MetroTwit. They’re pretty neck and neck right now. I’ll have to muse on this some more.

Hey. This is serious business.

The Top Four…

Things you shouldn’t do on Twitter (but which I totally do anyway). Because…I don’t know. I like lists, I guess.

1. Talk about inconsequential things like being bored, seeing something not all that strange but that you think is interesting, cats.

            Why it’s wrong: No one really cares about seeing a guy sleeping on the bus or hearing about how much you hated some woman at the store who should not have been in the damn express lane with something like fifty items, seriously, what the hell.

            Why I do it anyway: Because sometimes the spider outside my window freaks me out and I want to share. And face it. You all love hearing about what the cats are up to.

2. Tweet about how you’re going to sleep.

            Why it’s wrong: Again, no one really cares. It’s social media. You can leave without announcing yourself.

            Why I do it anyway: Sometimes I’m in the middle of conversations and I want to make sure people know why I’m not responding. It’s not that the subject is closed. I just can’t keep my eyes open anymore.

3. Complain about people/minor annoyances.

            Why it’s wrong: No one likes persistent negativity.

            Why I do it anyway: One part need for commiseration one part hope that maybe someone in Twitterland has a way around it. Even I have my limits, though. But sometimes the political calls, advertisements and commercials get to be too much and if I don’t say anything my brains will burst out of my skull.

4. Self-promote.

            Why it’s wrong: The “social” part of social media means people want to interact with you, not read an advertisement aboutyou.

            Why I do it anyway: I don’t usually, since I don’t often have anything to promote, but there are occasions. I try to keep it within an acceptable ratio: for every one promotion, there’s at least four non-related tweets. They have to be spaced out, too. Just as long as people know I’m a person, not a spambot.

There. Well, I at least think I’m more accurate about Twitter than I am on what makes a popular post. Have a fun weekend!

Twitter for Beginners, Dos

When I first joined Twitter, I was pretty lost. I figured out the hard way that whenever you mention an iPod, you will be spammed for the next twenty minutes with links to questionable music sites and “free” iPods. Those quotes are there for a reason, people.

I try to avoid spam triggers because of how relentless they can be. Plus it’s not fun to accidentally click on a link and then have your computer lock up while your antivirus software freaks out from an overload of malicious programs. Until Twitter makes it so you can prevent link spamming, you’ll have to do with being careful when using the following words:

1. iPod. As I mentioned, this, iTunes or iPad will bring on a lot of spam links.

2. Computer. Same as above. I tend to write this as comp uter. They’ll never crack that code.

3. Movie. More links, this time involving SHOW TIMES NEAR YOU!!!1!

4. Blog. You usually get offers to earn a living blogging from home. Now I’m not saying this can’t be done. I’m just saying it’s highly suspect when a company pretends to be a person to have a Twitter account and send a link whenever a word is mentioned.

Finally, there are bots that will tweet a quote at you if you mention a certain movie/TV show. Unlike the above, these bots aren’t really malicious. They don’t send out links or even follow anyone. They just quote from their subject, I guess so followers can go “Ah! I remember that episode!” It’s amusing if you like the show but kind of gets tedious after a while.

Overall, these are kind of the Seven Words You Can’t Say On Twitter. Except there isn’t seven. And unlike the list of words you can’t say on television, this list you technically can say (or tweet, rather). It just attracts a lot of offers begging you to AcT NOww or loose This great oportunity.

Have you ever been bothered by spammers? Any words you’ve noticed that attract spam?

Twitter for Beginners

Why? Because Twitter is a pretty important source for writer’s, that’s why. In fact, last February I did a whole post about the many valuable resources, most of whom are still on Twitter. Agents, editors, fellow writers…it’s great! But there are some tricks to navigating Twitter, something that’s valuable whether or not you’re a writer.

First of all, we’ll look at the six types of tweeters:

1. Regular people. These are most tweeters. You follow them if you share a common interest, like writing, or you know them from somewhere. If they’re none of the following types, they usually follow back.

2. The Celebrity. For the most part, these people/companies won’t follow you back. You only follow them if you’re actually interested in them, like if they are an agent or a movie actor.

3. The Self-Made Celebrity. These are people who have tens of thousands of Twitter followers. How? By following tens of thousands of others. However, all those followers mean that unless you know them outside of Twitter, you’ll rarely, if ever, talk to them. If you just want a higher follower count, go ahead and add them.

4. The Fake Celebrity. This is a variation on the above, but instead of keeping you as a follower, they’ll drop you as soon as you follow them back. You can tell them apart because they usually have a high following, but follow very few people themselves. Ignore them.

5. The Spammer. These people have one goal: to follow you so you will follow them back and they can Direct Message (a private message) you a link to a service or a less than reputable site. It’s hard to tell them apart from regular people, but they tend to have very few tweets, yet a very high number of followers/following. They might also tweet nothing but names or generic sentences. Don’t follow them.

6. The Viral Spammer. Even worse than the above because they will tweet something at you NON STOP. If you have the misfortune of coming across one, you will have to block them to stop them. Don’t forget to report them for spam.

Well, this post is getting long (hey, I appreciate brevity). I suppose I’ll make this a two parter and finish up next week. Cue the dramatic music!

Any other types of tweeters to beware? How do you decide who to follow?