Another Visit from the Spamfiles

Because sometimes I don’t feel like making up new content. So Spamfiles!

I got this message from a little old lady with a cancer problem. She wants to give me her money so I can give it away to “Less privileged people, orphanages, widows, and propagating the word of God.” Can you imagine if she gave you all her money and you kept it for yourself? You’d be a monster.

…I think “nail fungus” says it all.

Plus, there’s a way you can lose seventeen pounds in 30 days! Amputation of a limb would probably cover it.

I also came across this advertisement. See, when you swallow condoms full of heroine, you’re not supposed to eat or the stomach acid will erode the rubber and you’ll OD. So if you keep drug muling, you’ll probably lose some weight. If you’re not murdered first.

Finally, there’s…okay, I have no idea what’s going on here.

Things Not to Have in your Twitter Profile

Another Twitter post because honestly, I just keep stumbling across some bizarre things. I don’t know how people do it on The Face Book, but on Twitter, the skill is being able to describe something in 140 characters, or 160 for your profiles. It can be a challenge, yes, but don’t trip into the following Profile Pitfalls:

1. Don’t have nothing but hashtags.

#writer #person #something else #a bunch of other things #all in one word #so what I’m doing here is a little misleading #but you get it

Somehow I have doubts about your writing ability if your profile only has one word hashtags. PS: same goes when you have nothing but nouns punctuated by commas.

2. Nothing but links to your book.

www.buybookone.com, www.buybooktwo.com, www.buybookthree.com, www.doitnow.com, www.seriouslyiknowwhereyoulive.com

It’s one thing to promote your books. It’s quite another when there is literally nothing about you. To me, this seems like a red flag that this person is going to do nothing but spam tweets with these same links in them, and sometimes I like to actually connect with people on Twitter.

3. Nothing but shortened links.

www.acoupleofletters.com (really www.younowhaveavirus.com)

I don’t like shortened links. You don’t know where they lead to and it’s like picking up some strange in a bar: it could be all right, but it could also infect you up the wazoo. I generally do not follow back people with shortened links. It’s another red flag that you’ll be spammed, and it’s probably not going to be something as innocuous as book promotions.

4. A quote from somebody else.

“Something really deep.” Misattributed author.

Generally, these tweeters also have nothing but quotes as their tweets, too. Back when I first started on Twitter and didn’t really get was going on, I followed a few of these people. I got nothing but spam DMs. Lesson learned.

5. Really creepy descriptions.

I like fairies, and unicorns, and skinning people alive, and wishing wells.

Okay, that’s exaggerating, but you get the idea. Someone once followed me with the description of both “14 year old” and “amateur psychoanalyst.” There’s just something off about that. How about this one: “I WILL ELIMINATE YOUR NEGATIVE ENERGIES!” It’s almost a threat.

Okay, so that’s all for today. Remember, if you’re on Twitter or might be someday, don’t be a spammer. Or a creep. Really, really don’t be a creep.