More Like Blackout Friday

Just a small comic today. Honestly, I’m just glad that I don’t have anything to rant about.

Of course, this isn’t a very realistic view of me after Thanksgiving. I’d never leave any crumbs.

Tips for Surviving Thanksgiving

Or Thanksgivingocalypse. Because one of my monthly goals is to do another apocalypse post, and honestly, spending time with my family sure seems like an apocalyptic scenario. So I made a list of all the things I could do that would actually make for a Thanksgiving. You know, if anyone would actually do them.

How to Avoid the Thanksgivingocalypse

1. No alcohol. This isn’t a judgment against anyone who drinks. I’ve seen people out there who can handle a glass of wine without turning into a total a$$hole. And except for my mom, none of those people are in my family.

2. Avoid dangerous topics. You know, like politics and religion and who has to do the dishes. They only turn into screaming matches with things getting broken and people getting hurt.

3. If someone tells you to do something, do the exact opposite. For example, if someone tells you to play a tired, not-funny-ever prank on someone else, don’t frigging do it.

4. I can’t believe I have to say this, but no pot. Apparently, it never occurred to some people that it’s not okay to do something illegal in someone else’s house without their permission and while there are children in the next room.

5. Don’t lie to people about who’s coming so they show up only to find out there’s someone they don’t want to spend time with. Then don’t shame them for it.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just my family that turns Thanksgiving—and all holidays—into a total nightmare. What are your tips for surviving the holidays? Or do you actually have fun? If so, I’d sure like to know what you’re doing right…

Thanksgrieving III

I can honestly say I'm surprised. This Thanksgiving wasn't a total sh!thole, which makes it the first one not to be since I started this freaking blog. Apparently changing urls really did wonders for a lot of things.

There were no fights. No crying. No jerkwad relatives who have to be threatened to be physically thrown out of the house then physically thrown out of the house because they think I'm too small and they won't make that mistake again. Mostly because said jerkwad relatives weren't invited. I also wasn't blindsided by having total strangers invited so I'm all anxious through the whole thing and then angry when everyone tells me to suck it up.

I could get used to this. I hear there are some families that even manage to get along through most holidays! It sounds like a modern day fairy tale, but wouldn't it be something?

Oh, and it's Saturday. The reason why this post is happening now is because it's time for a new poll! I'm really going to try to make this work so you better all vote!

Now! Do it now!

How was your Thanksgiving?

Off For Thanksgiving

Read the title. But here's something for you...

The only thing that isn't true is that I don't have a clock behind me when I'm at the computer.

Thanksgrieving

I think I actually used this title last year. But it still applies, so I'm using it.

Ugh. This was not the Thanksgiving I looked forward to. I didn't think it was possible to be worse than last year's, but somehow it was. It's like everyone in my family, except for three of my cousins, has degenerated to a bunch of loud, drunken children. Seriously, the teenagers were more mature than their parents. I feel bad for my cousin, who brought her boyfriend over just as things descended into the third circle of hell.

The only thing this mess has taught me is that alcohol should be banned from my family's gatherings. And that if people don't get that the joke isn't funny anymore, they have to be stopped by force before it goes way too far.

Please tell me you had a better Thanksgiving than me. Any cheery stories out there?

I’m Thankful That It’s Over

Seriously. Something always happens in my family’s holiday events. Last year at Christmas? People were smoking pot down in the basement of my aunt’s house. And guess what: none of them were under the age of forty-five. Me, my sister, my nephew and all of my cousins were upstairs with my parents and one aunt (by marriage so she isn’t related by blood). The aunt who owned the house went next door for some reason, so the rest of my mother’s siblings went to smoke. With teenagers upstairs. I hadn’t known because if I had, you would have read about what happened in the newspaper’s police blotter.

This year, well, no one toked up but my mother’s other sister (i.e. not the good one) flipped out because me and my cousins walked down the street to hang out at the school playground. The thing is she knew we were going out and we were gone for an hour and a half. Still she flipped out at us (me in particular as the oldest) for being “inconsiderate.” The best my mom could figure was she wanted to leave and her daughter wasn’t around, and when she drove around and didn’t see us…well, I don’t really know what made her flip out further because everyone else knew where we were and weren’t worried because we do this every damn year. Of course, it didn’t help that my cousin left her phone behind (although at least one other person had a phone they could have called), but really. My aunt was talking about calling the cops, never mind that she was the only one upset and there were five of us out there, all of whom are more responsible than the adults have shown themselves to be.

So, yeah. That’s Thanksgiving at my house. Hell on Earth. How was yours?

(PS: look at my previous post! I just love it and can’t stop talking about it. Please validate my probably misplaced pride!)