Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Tips for Surviving Thanksgiving

Or Thanksgivingocalypse. Because one of my monthly goals is to do another apocalypse post, and honestly, spending time with my family sure seems like an apocalyptic scenario. So I made a list of all the things I could do that would actually make for a Thanksgiving. You know, if anyone would actually do them.

How to Avoid the Thanksgivingocalypse
1. No alcohol. This isn’t a judgment against anyone who drinks. I’ve seen people out there who can handle a glass of wine without turning into a total a$$hole. And except for my mom, none of those people are in my family.

2. Avoid dangerous topics. You know, like politics and religion and who has to do the dishes. They only turn into screaming matches with things getting broken and people getting hurt.

3. If someone tells you to do something, do the exact opposite. For example, if someone tells you to play a tired, not-funny-ever prank on someone else, don’t frigging do it.

4. I can’t believe I have to say this, but no pot. Apparently, it never occurred to some people that it’s not okay to do something illegal in someone else’s house without their permission and while there are children in the next room.

5. Don’t lie to people about who’s coming so they show up only to find out there’s someone they don’t want to spend time with. Then don’t shame them for it.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just my family that turns Thanksgiving—and all holidays—into a total nightmare. What are your tips for surviving the holidays? Or do you actually have fun? If so, I’d sure like to know what you’re doing right…


  1. You have people in your family who smoke pot at Thanksgiving? At least there is plenty of food when they get the munchies.

  2. None of our Thanksgivings were ever that bad. Then again, I'm glad I live on the opposite coast from mine now.

  3. This is something I'll have to deal with at Christmas if I'm going to go see my dad. I have no interest at all in being anywhere near my sister who lives in the area. Fortunately that's what excursions to a museum or gallery are for.

  4. We tend to have pretty good family gatherings.

  5. I am hosting Thanksgiving and -- I'm sorry -- I'll have to break Rule #1. I will probably need a hidden flask to get through the day.

  6. I don't really have those sorts of issues with my family. Perhaps because no one drinks? Maybe that's it.

  7. I can't say my family get-to-gather will come across these issues, but this post is timely. I better not pull that prank I was planning, I guess... :)


Please validate me.