Saturday, August 17, 2013


As a writer, I have to spend a lot of time researching my posts so as not to make an ass of myself when people read what I write. Some of the subjects are bizarre (what explosive decompression feels like), some are gross (pretty much every medical issue I’ve looked up), and others are probably putting me on government watch lists (I’ll leave this one to the imagination). But, in the name of writing, I am happy to have a questionable search history. It’s all for the sake of the book.

Now, I usually start researching by going to Google, because come on, what else am I going to do? Like most search engines, Google will fill in the blanks when I start typing in the search box. Usually this is helpful, but have you ever noticed how alarming some of the fill-ins are? And keep in mind, fill-ins appear based on the most popular searches. It leaves some questions. Like what the hell is going on in the world today. Don’t believe me?

Exhibit 1: When will…

Ios 7, okay. “When Will I See You Again” is a song, so sure, makes sense. But really people, do you think Google is going to know when you’re going to croak or the world is going to explode into a hellscape of nothingness? I know it’s hard to believe, but Google isn’t God.

Exhibit 2: Why am I…

This one just seems like a cry for help.

Exhibit 3: Is it possible…

I believe my reaction to this one can best be described as o__O.


  1. Hey, man, I would love to never poop.
    If I thought there was a way to make that happen...
    But I've never searched for it.

    The when will I die thing probably has to do with that quiz thing that, well, tells you when you will die.

  2. Another blogger buddy of mine used to post Google searches every week and some were very disturbing. Must be something about the Internet that brings out the dark side in people.

  3. Most of those seem to come from a negative approach. It must be where the mindset of the world is right now.

  4. I think that's why it kind of disturbs me when I type in something and what I'm searching for actually does pop up. At least that doesn't happen all that frequently.

  5. Is it possible to never poop ...? For pity's sake, people!

    Actually, I find that if I do several searches in a row, Google starts to guess what I'm looking for more accurately. Which suggests Google is LEARNING. Which is kind of scary.

    All we need is for Google to develop its own intelligence. The guys in Space Odyssey thought HAL was bad? Imagine Google!

  6. Oh my goodness--rolling on the floor here. That last once was amazing!

  7. This is too funny! xD
    *hurries off to play with search engine*

  8. I wonder if the "Why am I so tired" thing would have led you to a Smashing Pumpkins song page for that particular song - not that it has lyrics, it's instrumental. ha.

    I love seeing stuff like this. So funny ;)

    Also, I've felt the niggling need to learn new stuff lately. But I can't seem to make myself actually start.

    I use Google for research too. Which is terrible since I'm a librarian. We are very AGAINST Google as the sole source of all truth, or at least we're meant to be. ;)

  9. lolol so funny. And no it's not possible to beat temple run. I don't know why that isn't obvious ;)

  10. One day Google will be unmasked as Skynet, and we'll all be running from killer robots, saying that Linda Hamilton was right all along.

    Google searches can get pretty nutty.

  11. Never to poop? Google amazes me, too, with its suggestions -- especially since they reflect the most popular questions that start with the first few words! Google isn't strange -- people are! :-)


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