Saturday, December 1, 2012

From the Spamfiles

It’s that time again. “Already?” you’re probably asking and I can only answer well, if you don’t talk about amusing spam in your spare time, what DO you do?

“I can’t believe your arrest?” or, as a variation “I saw your mother’s arrest record!”
An arrest is the kind of thing you remember. Am I supposed to open this email in worries that my identity has been tarnished? Out of sheer confusion? And of course there’s the biggest insult of all: a question mark at the end of a sentence that isn’t really a question. For shame, spammers. And hello? They didn’t catch my mom so there’s no way you saw her record.

“WINNING NOTIFICATION.” From “farmpetcontrol”. At Africamail. I didn’t realize that the farm pet control division of Africamail took care of notifying the contest winners. It seems like they should have a department just for that rather than taxing the already busy farm pet controllers.

“Senior Singles Online Now!” I can’t even begin to tell you what’s wrong with that. Let’s say I am interested in online dating. What the hell is it about me that screams “Silver Foxes Only”? If you don’t get what I’m talking about, don’t stop to think about it, just move on to the next.

“Spam?” This is an actual title to an email I received. It’s announcing what it is, but apparently is not sure about it. It’s okay, little email. Believe in yourself and work hard and someday you really will be spam.

Finally, a telemarketing call I received (remember: telemarketing is just the spam of phones). What’s interesting about it is not the call itself, which was just another political thing the day before the election, but that the caller ID had the number 555-5555. The name? DEWEY CHEETHAM. It may be the most awesome name in the history of caller ID.


  1. I saw a screenshot recently of a website for dating people with STDs if you have one. ;)

  2. I get gambling sites in my spam, pharmaceuticals, and links that look like online porn dating sites.

    And the occasional message from Nigerian generals with too much money on their hands and suckers they think they can pass it off to...

    1. Generals, huh? I usually get princes. Or children of oil barons cut off from their family funds.

  3. Spam is annoying, but pretty funny sometimes. Love the women hater spammers. The one's that harp back to Adam and Eve, the evilness of women and what's wrong with the world today. Yeah, and the one's who want you to exchange money for them because they're refugees. You see that scam on Craigslist a lot.

  4. I got a call the other day that claimed to be someone from my university verifying my information. I hung up. They might have been legit, but if you don't want people thinking you're a scam phone call... don't call in the evening the day before Thanksgiving break. Seriously, nobody was working at the university that day. And definitely don't call two days after I voluntarily went to the university myself to pick up a transcript and therefore JUST verified all my information.

    They didn't call back, so I'm resting in my belief that they were spammers.

  5. The one I'm getting all the time now is "did you see what someone said about you?" Um, I'm not 12. Why should I care what other people are saying about me? (Actually, other people are talking about me? That's a step up from my usual state of being ignored.)

  6. OMG, that's like that line from the Car guys on NPR: "Sponsered by the Law Offices of Dewy, Cheatem, and Howe."


Please validate me.