Monday, February 20, 2012

First Campaigner Challenge


Hey all! Time for the First Campaigner Challenge! Or would it be, the Fourth First Campaigner Challenge? Anyway, I’m posting about a day early so I can get in on the fun.

Rachhas given us a good one this time:
  
    Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “Shadows crept across the wall”. These five words will be included in the word count.

    If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), do one or more of these:

        end the story with the words: "everything faded." (also included in the word count)

        include the word "orange" in the story

        write in the same genre you normally write

        make your story 200 words exactly!

Cool, right? So I spit on my mental hands and here’s my entry. Dystopian, of course:

Shadows crept across the wall. The sun hung over the trees, fat and orange. I used to love this time of day, the way every sunset was different from the one before it. Some pink, some gray. Some so rich it looked like you could scoop the color out of the air.

It’s a lie, you know, to say you don’t appreciate anything until it’s gone. I appreciated each one. I just never thought this was how it would be taken from me. That each sunset would bring screams from the people who didn’t make it inside. That I could never see one again because it meant the monsters were awake and hunting us.

My daughter asked where her mom was. I’m a coward, I didn’t answer. I told her there was no time, she had to get in the storm cellar. “Time for bed!” I told her. She frowned and it made my heart weep. She looks just like Amara.

I ushered her inside, stealing one last glance at the sun dipping behind the trees. Then my daughter screamed and I didn’t know why. It was beautiful.

It landed next to me, blood stinking on its breath.

Everything faded.

SHAZAM!

Like it? It's number 74, so vote for it if you do. 

31 comments:

  1. Yikes, that is one freaky scary ending, like with the "It landed..." sentence! Nice work :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. whoa.. I love the line "my daughter screamed and I didn't know why. It was beautiful."

    Great work!

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Some so rich it looked like you could scoop the color out of the air."

    Lovely, and a gory twist ending at that. Nice one! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Beautiful descriptions! Your writing is almost poetic! And what a sad ending"

    ReplyDelete
  5. Whoa! That's gotta suck for your protagonist!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Such a bittersweet end. Nice job and excellent imagery!

    ReplyDelete
  7. LOVED IT!! I could totally see everything happening in the scene, you had such great descriptive language! Great job! Voting for you :)

    I'm entry #19

    ReplyDelete
  8. I liked the beautiful line too...awesome!
    I'm #86

    ReplyDelete
  9. Whoa that was a scary ending! Nice work! :)

    I'm #37

    ReplyDelete
  10. The line "My daughter asked where her mom was" has me confused. Is the protagonist not her mom? Wait, is it a male protagonist? I totally read it as a female voice.

    ReplyDelete
  11. That was really excellent work! Nicely done. :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm hooked and want to know more. Well done:)

    ReplyDelete
  13. There were many beautiful lines here and the ending took me totally by surprise. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Yikes! That was scary! And the end was shocking. Good entry!

    I'm a new follower and entry #96

    ReplyDelete
  15. I especially like the imagery of the first paragraph. Nice job!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Congratulations! Your piece has been shortlisted to advance to the quarter final round. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Sorry, I'm with Esther. I was confused by the "My daughter asked where her mother was" line, too. Good writing though!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hey there! I'm finally making the rounds and getting to other campaigners' blogs.

    Interesting scene. At parts it was a little confusing, but it was definitely creepy! Which, I think, is what you were going for.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hey,

    Just popping by to say thanks for the return follow... appreciate ye!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Wow, very vivid! It opens up so many questions. Your penultimate line made me jump. Nice concept about the sunsets being beautiful but heralding so much danger. I'd like to know more!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh, I like the tone of that! Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Scary ending - very sad, but I liked it!

    ReplyDelete
  23. This was creepy - but in a totally good way. Great job!

    ReplyDelete

Please validate me.