Top Ten Reasons You Shouldn’t Be Writing a Book

Yes. Another list. Hey, they say to write what you know, and I know how to write lists.

10. I want to teach a lesson.

            While morals, lessons and what have you are often part of books, that’s not all they’re about. Books written for the express purpose of teaching lessons aren’t stories. They’re episodes of Sesame Street.

9. My friend’s cousin’s neighbor’s brother works for a major publisher. All I have to do is give him an idea and let them do the rest.

            Even if this guy was willing to listen to the idea, he’s not going to care unless it’s marketable and you’re willing to put in the work on it. Or you have incriminating evidence against the company.

8. My story will be an inspiration to men/women/children/troglodytes everywhere.

            Maybe. But more likely not. Unless your story is compelling because of its characters, voice, etc. no one will care.

7. No one’s ever had an idea like this before!

            Yes. They have. Google it.

6. I want to be famous!

            So do all the college athletes desperate for a pro scout to notice them. But for every Shaq, there’s a thousand unknowns. I’d name one, but then they wouldn’t be unknown, would they?

5. Im a gr8 ritr!

            Get out.

4. I want to quit my day job.

            Yeah, Stephen King. Go right ahead and do that. Writing isn’t a replacement job. It’s a part time job you work at when you’re not doing your regular job. Except you might not get paid.

3. I’m famous already and want more money.

            I hate you.

2. I already have a publishing deal set up. All I have to do is pay and I’ll be famous.

            Er…you might want to make sure this company is actually a company and not some guy with a cell phone who also wants to sell you cloud insurance.

1. It’s putting words on a page. It couldn’t be any easier.

            Just…just no.

And as a bonus, the reason you should be writing: because you have to. Or the stories will make your skull burst.