Spam Bingo

Here it is, my last comic of the year on the last day of the year! And it’s not really a comic, more like a joke. Spam is still ever present in our lives, and once I said it would be funny if there was Spam Bingo. So here it is.

The rules are simple: every time you get a spam message, you see if it falls into one of these categories. First person to hit them all wins all of the internet points. :P

Contrarily

The last etymology post of the year! So of course I have to do something different. Today I’m going to highlight contranyms, words that mean both one thing and the complete opposite, because the one thing that you should be learning from these posts is that words are stupid.

Peruse

Peruse means to read with thoroughness or care, like you would an article a medical journal that you were doing a paper on. It also means to scan or browse, like you would a tabloid while waiting in line at the grocery store. So it’s read carefully and glance at. So are you perusing this list or perusing it?

Dust

Yes, dust does have two contradictory meanings. Think about it: you can dust donuts with powdered sugar. And then when you spill it on the table, you can dust up the sugar. You can dust the dust.

Nonplussed

This one is kind of funny because it’s only recently that the word has come to mean the opposite. Originally, nonplussed meant to surprise/confuse someone so much they don’t know how to react. However over the past couple of decades in North America, it’s come to mean to not be disturbed by something at all (I grew up thinking that was what it meant because I never heard it in any other context). I guess we’re seeing a word become a contranym right before our eyes, and we still have no idea why.

Egregious

These days egregious means  extraordinarily bad, like Manos: The Hands of Fate is considered an egregious example of cinema. But! Once upon a time, it used to mean distinguished or outstanding, except people started using it ironically. So whatever you had to say about the change in definitions of nonplussed, people were probably saying it about egregious, and now everyone only uses it that way.

Chuffed

I had never even heard of chuffed before making this list, but it is indeed a contranym as it means both pleased and displeased. This one is all British, with the good chuffed coming from a word that meant “swollen with fat” and the bad one coming from a word that was “rude man”. And both of those words were “chuff”, so they were the same even back then and no one knows where they came from before that.

Reflections 2016

You know what? I don’t want to reflect on 2016. It was terrible. Like, beyond awful. Like, someone waking you up in the middle of the night by smacking you in the head with a hammer. No, wait. That’s not painful enough.

Ugh, this year can go and die.

Resolutions

1. Hopefully carve out time to write a new book!

Well, I started one. It’s only a fourth of the way done, but it’s better than nothing.

2. Keep updating the blog three times a week. I know this seems like an easy one since I’ve been doing that for years, but sometimes it seems like I’m out of time. So no matter what, keep blogging!

I did miss a week once. Because 2016 is just like being thrown off a cliff into a lake of boiling water.

3. Try to finish the horror story I started writing last year. Hopefully I can find the time!

I didn’t do this, because I couldn’t find the motivation to do it. If I don’t have fun writing it, I can’t imagine someone having fun reading it, so it’s probably for the best.

4. Maybe start a progress bar for my goals so I can see how far I’m getting.

Wow, I just straight up didn’t do this. I didn’t even remember it was a goal. Whoops?

5. Do the A-to-Z Challenge again! Which means I better get started on those posts.

Another success. It was definitely one of the more fun parts of the year.

6. Win a hundred million dollars in the lottery so I can just write for the rest of my life. This one might be tough.

I’m really mad that I didn’t make this goal. It’s totally unfair.

7. Read more. Just ‘cause why not?

Yes, I did. It was fun. I do wish that it was even more!

So that was 2016. It was way worse than the pretty font color I picked would indicate. It was like having your skin removed and replaced with a concentrated acid.

Ugh.

It Might Be Genetic

Christmas is tomorrow! And since it’s on a weekend, my mom will be around to do all the baking. You remember how it turned out when I did it.

Really, it’s surprising that anything survives to be put out for the guests.

Language of Confusion: -Ress

It’s the last etymology post of the year! I mean, because of course I’m doing something special for next week. Um, don’t expect anything super cool. I mean special in the sense that it’s different from the usual etymology posts. Don’t go getting your hopes up.

Anyway! This is for words that end in -ress that aren’t just feminized versions of words (like mistress or actress), and also ones that don’t end in -gress because those are a whole other post by themselves.

Fortress

Fortress first showed up in the early fourteenth century, coming from the Old French forteresse/forterece, which pretty much means fortress. It comes from the Medieval Latin fortalitia (which is where we got the R in fortress…somehow) and classical Latin fortis, which means strong and of course is the origin word for fort. The -ess part is French, but it actually comes from Latin as well, where it’s -itia. Even suffixes have their origins.

Distress

I think distress be one of the words that has an origin that I least expect. It showed up in the late thirteenth century as a noun and a century later as a verb. It comes from the Old French destresse, which is from the Vulgar Latin districtia, from the classical Latin districtus and its verb form distringere. And you’re probably going, wow, that districtus looks a lot like district, but there’s no way they can be related. Yes. Yes they are. That’s the origin word of district, too. Disgringere actually means to draw apart or hinder, with the dis- meaning apart and stringere, draw, the origin word for strain. Really. At least the draw apart kind of makes sense for district but distress? Apparently it’s because of Medieval Latin, where it somehow became compel or coerce. No explanation as to why it changed, though.

Caress

Caress is fairly recent, showing up in the mid seventeenth century, coming from the French caresse, which, you know, means caress. It’s from either the verb caresser or the Italian carezza, also just caress because no one’s trying to be original here. The caress words come from the classical Latin carus, expensive. That word can be traced to the Proto Indo European ka-, like or desire. The origin word for many words, including whore. You can’t make this stuff up.

Address

Address showed up in the early fourteenth century as a verb and a century later as a noun. It originally meant guide, aim, or direct, coming from the Old French adrecier, go straight toward, set right, or direct. It’s from the Vulgar Latin addirectiare, straighten, a mix of ad-, to, and the classical Latin directus, direct. And that’s the origin word for dress, too. Apparently it means clothing because it went from “make straight” to “decorate” to “put on clothes”. I…I don’t know. My brain hurts.

Duress

Duress showed up in the early fourteenth century from the Old French duress and classical Latin duritia (hardness) and durus (hard), which is where endure comes from. The -ess part comes from the same place as the -ess in fortress. Wow, one without a crazy backstory. Whew.

Tl;dr: -ress words are weird. Like even for words weird.

Sources

Online Etymology Dictionary

Google Translate

Omniglot

University of Texas at Austin Linguistic Research Center

University of Texas at San Antonio’s page on Proto Indo European language

Dictionary of Medieval Latin

Encyclopaedia Britannica

'Tis The Season (To Slack Off)

The  holiday season is fast approaching and I’m totally busy. Mostly with setting up my new laptop, which for some reason won’t let me scroll in Word which is...kind of an issue.

So here’s a Christmas quiz that Liz turned me onto to keep you occupied while I try to figure out how to stop this stupid thing from being stupid. Anyway, have a good end of the year! Once 2016 is dead it can never come back!

Threats Are The Only Thing It Understands

Remember when I talked about how the L key in my computer was only working sporadically? Well, it’s still an issue.

Still getting a new one, though.