Even More Characters That Need To Go Away

Yeah, another one of these because there’s supposed to be a hurricane and even if the chances of the power going out are remote, I like to be prepared and as such I’m posting something I’ve had lying around for a while. I’d hate for you to be left without my opinions for more than a day.

You know you love them.

So here are more characters I can live without:

The Detective that’s not even a cop

Now, this isn’t to impugn cozy mysteries, where the character probing a crime/strange goings on isn’t a detective. This is more the characters that go investigate crimes like they’re cops all the time. They ask questions, take evidence (even if they’re not qualified to and from what I gather, that creates a big stink during trial), and are always treated like they’re cops even though they’ve never gone through any of the training and years of experience that’s standard for becoming a detective. Either this has to stop or I’m going down to the police station and demanding they let me investigate crimes. I’m sure you’ll read about how that goes in the newspaper.

The Super Soldier

Usually it’s a man who is the amazing, ass-kicking, martial arts master with the reflexes of a cat on Adderall, but occasionally it’s a woman. Either way the character has drifted into cliché territory. Not every character has to be the best fighter to be interesting. You can—gasp—give them other traits that color their personality and make them actual people.

The Jerkass with a Heart of Gold

If a character is surly, rude, and pushes everyone away, you just know they’re going to turn out to be the good guy. I’ve seen this a little too much in YA romances, where the brooding, aloof male doesn’t get along with the female at first but once she catches him in an act of kindness they overcome their differences and fall in love. It’s basically PRIDE AND PREJUDICE except, I don’t know, maybe Darcy is a vampire this time.

The Amnesiac

From what I understand, amnesia where you totally forget everything about your life, name, family, whatever, is really rare. When it does happened, it’s usually not from a simple bump to the head but from a mix of psychological and physiological traumas. As with most things, I blame Hollywood for this.

That’s all for now. If you’re NaNoing right now...what are you doing reading this? Get back to work!

More Characters That Need to Go Away

A few months back, I did a post on what I think are the most annoying character types. It included the genius serial killer, the awkward genius, the jerk with the heart of gold and the beta guy who never gets the girl. And of course, I found more that just make me roll my eyes whenever I see them.

Genius Detective

I hate genius detectives so much. It’s like Sherlock Holmes worked as a character once and people have been trying for that same success. And failing. Miserably failing. Real police work is talking to people, analyzing their reactions, and gathering information, not walking into a crime scene and suddenly knowing how the killer’s mother wasn’t nice to him when he was little. Ninety percent of these genius detectives should have failed the psychological exam needed to enter the police force. Also annoying? When they aren’t even cops, yet get treated like them.

Out for Revenge

Another staple of crime fiction. Now, this isn’t referring to a Genius Serial Killer—that’s a whole different overused trope of its own. I mean the “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” kind Su mentioned last time, where the character is avenging the death of a loved-one (or more than one). Your Punishers, your Batmen, your millions of other comic book characters that got into superheroing because they lost family. They really do seem to mostly be in comics, like it’s automatic backstory for every single hero. It’s kind of ridiculous.

The Protector

I don’t think Protectors are always men, but they are always protecting women/girls. They’re the type who might not want to help the damsel in distress at first but is moved by her plight into taking up her cause. He (to be general) will end up in a faceoff with the Big Bad and will probably be hurt, but saved by the lady to show that, hey, she’s not so helpless after all. Just ugh.

The Gay Best Friend

Not because of the gay part. More because the gay best friend is always the catty, effeminate, promiscuous guy the main character (usually female) confides to when some unfortunate misunderstanding comes between him/her and the love interest and he might as well be a picture on a wall for all that he’s listened to. He has about as much depth as a picture, too. I hate romantic comedies so much.

The Top Four…

…Character Types I Don’t Want to See Anymore.

This was originally going to be five but I got lazy ran out of time before I could think up another one. Honestly, these four stink enough that it makes up its own fifth entry.

The Serial Killer Out For Revenge

This one has been done to boring, hackneyed death. Mostly it’s on television, but I’ve read more than a few books that have to beat this dead horse, too. He (because it’s always a male) is fixated on the main character, breaks out of jail and stalks him/her, is Hannibal-esque to varying degrees. It was probably done the worst in the Alex Cross novels, but then again nothing in those books resembles sense anyway. This trope is often done to give a Sherlock Holmes a Professor Moriarty as if it will somehow make the story interesting. Hint: it doesn’t work.

The Awkward Genius

This is something books rarely use but television almost always does. Because if someone is incredibly intelligent and adept at problem solving, then they obviously have no idea how to interact with people. Apparently social skills are the only thing about their brains that isn’tsupersized. They also have to be huge fans of Star Trek, Star Wars, and all manner of comic books. Intelligence does not equal isolation. I wish people would remember that.

Jerk with a Heart of Gold

Or basically, a guy (usually) who seems like a jerk but is actually misunderstood, usually by the heroine who ends up falling for him. There’s usually a flimsy excuse for his jerkass behavior, like a difficult childhood or the death of a loved one. These characters are so flat, they aren’t even two dimensional—yes, they only exist in the theoretical first dimension. True, there are examples of this being done well—Bruce Wayne in the Chris Nolan Batman movies, Sawyer from Lost—but a lot of times they just seem like excuses for a woman to “save” the heart and soul of a broken man.

The Beta Guy

You know, the Jacob, the Gale, the one who tries and fails to end up with the main female character. I dislike these characters for the same reason I dislike the Vengeful Serial Killer—they’re there to create something (in this case romantic/sexual tension). Granted, they can be fully fledged characters in their own right, but it always takes a backseat to the dreaded Love Triangle, leaving them underdeveloped and no one surprised when they fail to win the lady’s hand.

Any characterizations you’re sick of?