Tuesday, March 27, 2012

From the Spamfiles

Spam is a constant in internet life. You can’t even tweet certain words without getting messaged with a million shady links. Although in my opinion, the stuff in my email spam folder is much more hilarious, as you can see from the following list of actual things spammers have tried.

Warning: sarcasm rises to dangerous levels towards the end.

“Your account has been suspended.”
This one can come from anywhere. Banks (including ones I don’t have an account in), Facebook, PayPal (nope, no account there either), you name it. The links always seem legit, but they only go to dummy sites that probably download viruses onto your computer if you even look at them.

“you aren’t going to beleive this but Im stuck in Spain and i need 1500 euros and i hate to ask but could you send it to me?”
Supposedly from a fellow writer who I knew, from her blog posts, wasn’t in Europe. The entire feeling of the letter was that it was written by someone who didn’t know English very well. Come on. If you’re going to try to con me, at least put some effort into it.

“OMG great Facebook post.”
A, I don’t have a Facebook page (although I’ve also gotten this for supposed tweets). B, it’s always from “Australia.com.” While I do know people from Australia via the internet, somehow I doubt everyone in the country has an email at the same domain.

“I would like you to become my guardian and have access to all my millions. All I ask…”
Wow. A deposed princess who is in danger of being killed by her greedy uncle. Can you say “cliché”? That story wouldn’t fly for an agent and it’s not going to fly for me.

“You have won the British Lotery!”
I get this one a lot. And yes, I meant to spell lottery that way because that’s usually how I get it. And to think, I didn’t even know I was entered! And all I have to do is send you money for taxes? That makes perfect sense!

“Dear most trusted friend…”
Someone calls me friend just has to be trustworthy. You don’t throw that word around. Sigh…come on spammers. Give my intelligence some credit. Oh well. I suppose it’s good that they’re easy to spot.

Do you have any funny spam stories to share? Or do you not find them as ridiculously hilarious as I do?


  1. I think my favorite one was... enlarge your penis. Ummm.... I'm a girl; I don't have one. Those are some funny spam emails!

    1. Yeah, I get those too. Along with tons for Viagra and Cialis. I wish they understood that the reason my shwong doesn't work is because I don't have one.

  2. lol! I think these are hilarious too! I mean, seriously, who falls for these?

  3. I kept getting emails from one of my email providers saying that my account was going to be suspended if I didn't send them...oh, whatever it was. And yet, my account continued to function just fine. I loved how they sent me like three of these, as if that was going to make the difference.

    I even got a phishing one from my bank. It would have been a lot more convincing if the grammar had been at least close to correct.

  4. "That story wouldn’t fly for an agent and it’s not going to fly for me."

    Best line ever! Constant vigilance.

  5. These days I get a lot of casino-type spam. Annoying lot, the homo spammeritis irritatingus....

    1. They are irritating, but I can't help but laugh at the attempts. I sure do win a lot of "cash prizzes".


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