Still Writing: comics

Showing posts with label comics. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 22, 2024

All That Remains

Interesting things don’t often happen around here.

Panel 1, I’m on the phone with my mom, who says “Did you hear? They found a skeleton when they were digging up the road!” Panel 2, I’m looking interested, and I say, “Interesting. Depending on how old they are, there are only a few people it could be.” Panel 3, my mom, looking annoyed, and I say, “We don’t have that many unresolved missing persons in the area, you know.” Panel 4, back to me, she says, “You know a concerning amount about this subject.”

Hey, I don’t make fun of her hobbies.

Tuesday, October 8, 2024

Real Horror

I remember when spiders were the worst thing I was scared of.

Panel 1, I’m with a friend, and they say “What’s with the doom and gloom? It’s Halloween season! Horror movies! Scary stories!” Panel 2, I say, “The election is less than a month away, Panel 3, they’re blank, Panel 4, with a concerned look on their face, they say “...That’s too scary.”

It’s putting a damper on the season, I can tell you that much.

Tuesday, September 17, 2024

Coming Back

I’m back on the internet, with all the horror that brings.

Panel 1, I’m sitting in front of my computer, and I say, “My internet detox is done. I guess it’s time to check out the news. Maybe things have gotten better.” Panel 2, I’m looking at the screen with my eyebrows pulled together and the captions say tap-tap-tap, scroll-scroll, Panel 3 is the same with scroll-scroll, then Panel 4, I say, “Nope, somehow everything’s worse.”

Wouldn’t it be nice if things somehow stopped being awful for a while?

Tuesday, August 13, 2024

Escape Artist

There’s a rip in the screen door.

Panel 1, Bluey the cat in front of the screen door, Panel 2, Bluey pushes her way through the rip in the door, Panel 3, Bluey sits outside, alarmed, and from inside I yell “Hey! Get back in here!”, Panel 4, Bluey jumps on to me as she realizes she’s scared of being outside, and I say, “Why do you keep trying to get outside? You hate it here!”

Bluey, foiled once again by the fact that she doesn’t have a single thought in her head.

Tuesday, July 9, 2024

One Fourth

You either get the reference or you don’t.

Panel 1, I’m with my mom, measuring a door with a tape measure, and she says, “This door’s been broken for years. About time I replaced it.” “Okay, it’s seventy six plus three eighths inches long.” Panel 2, I’m still measuring and I say, “No, wait. It’s seventy six and a fourth.” Panel 3, I’m still measuring, I say, “Okay, I was wrong. Seventy six and an eighth.” Panel 4, standing up now, I say, “We may have a House Of Leaves situation going on here.” She says, “I didn’t read that book, I don’t get the reference, but we do not.”

Granted, it’s better than being bigger on the inside than on the outside, but I still don’t know why it was different each time.

Tuesday, June 25, 2024

First Steps

The actual story of my nephew’s first steps. The boy loves his snacks.

Panel 1, my nephew is on the ground and his mom says, “No, no more snacks, it’s almost dinner time.” Panel 2, he starts getting to his feet, Panel 3, he stands there while his mother stares in shock, Panel 4, he walks away to her increasing surprise

He was something of a late walker, since he didn’t start until sixteen months old, and his parents kept trying to encourage him to no avail. Apparently all they had to do was tell him no snacks so he’d leave in a huff.

Tuesday, June 11, 2024

Don’t Disturb The Nap

She’s mostly a sweet kitty, but god help you if you try to move her from her nap spot.

Panel 1, my cat Peaches is on my unmade bed, asleep, and I walk in, Panel 2, I say, “Okay, I want to make my bed. Time to move.” Panel 3, Peaches growls at me, Panel 4, I say, “Well, that seems like an overreaction.”

It’s quite rude, really.

Tuesday, May 28, 2024

Clogged Drain

Had a really bad clog in the bathroom drain a couple of weeks ago.

Panel 1, I’m at a store with a friend picking up a drain snake and liquid plumber, frowning while looking down at the items, and they say, “If the drain cleaner doesn’t clear that clog, the snake will.” And I say “Hm.” Panel 2, they ask “What?”, and I say, “Just reading the warning for cancer and reproductive health.” “Well, that drain cleaner is powerful stuff.” “It’s for the snake.” Panel 3, they stare blankly, Panel 4, they say, “What… What are people doing with the snake?” and I say, “Good question.”

At least I got rid of the clog. Eventually.

Tuesday, May 14, 2024

Outside Cat

Bluey the cat thinks she wants to go outside.

Panel 1, Bluey the cat is scratching at the door like she wants to go out and I say, “Want to go outside, huh?” Panel 2, I put a cat harness on her, saying, “I know, you hate the harness. Well too bad.” panel 3, I take her outside and say, “Here you go! Outside!” Panel 4, she’s jumping on my head and I say, “Somehow I thought it might end up like this.”

She’s been inside her entire life, so I’m not surprised she doesn’t really like the outside. She also really doesn’t like the harness.

Tuesday, April 23, 2024

Severe Injury

I really hurt my back… doing absolutely nothing.

Panel 1, I’m asleep in bed, caption: “After several nights of bad sleep, I’m finally sleeping peacefully.” Panel 2, I’m still asleep, Panel 3, I jolt awake, a bolt of pain coming from my back, Panel 4, I’m sitting up, hand on my back, “Why?”

The worst part is, this isn’t even the first time this has happened while I’m asleep. What the hell…

Tuesday, April 9, 2024

What Fresh Hell

Should have known they’d try to inflict AI on me.

Panel 1, I’m at my computer when I squint and say, “…What’s that red icon in the corner of the taskbar? That’s never been there before.” Panel 2, a close up of the computer screen with the Copilot icon, and I say, “I did not willingly download this “Copilot”, Microsoft and I do not want it. I’m deleting it immediately.” Panel 3, back to me, looking mad as I work on the computer, Panel 4, I say, “Oh, so you can’t delete it. Awesome.”

Getting rid of it was ridiculous. You have to go into the registry.

Tuesday, March 26, 2024

Windy Day

We’ve had some wind lately.

It was supposed to be staked to the ground, but apparently the wind was stronger than the earth.

Tuesday, March 12, 2024

Helper

Bluey just appears when there’s a chance to be pesty.

Panel 1, I’m carrying laundry basket into the bedroom, panel 2, I’m bending down to take out the sheets in the laundry basket, Panel 3, I’m draping the sheet over the empty bed, Panel 4, a cat-shaped lump says “Mew?”, and I say, “Okay, where did you even come from?”

She zooms in from the other side of the house just to get in the way.

Tuesday, February 27, 2024

The Only Reason

My mom didn’t ask, but she really doesn’t need to.

Panel 1, I’m on the phone with my mom and she says, “I signed us up to give blood on Monday!” Panel 2, I say, “Then they’re giving away Girl Scout Cookies again?” and she responds, “Of course. Why else would I do it?”

It was quite crowded. Everyone really wants those cookies.

Tuesday, February 13, 2024

Math

This has been bugging the crap out of me.

$Panel 1, I’m carrying a box of frozen pizza, and I say, “Mmm, French bread pizza.” Panel 2, I’m looking at the box, and I say, “Huh, the nutritional information…” Panel 3, a close up of the box showing the calorie count, 380 for one pizza and 750 for the container, pizzas per container, 2, Panel 4, I’m squinting at the box as the math doesn’t add up$

Where do the extra ten calories go?

Tuesday, January 30, 2024

What Are The Odds?

In reality, it happened three days after my jury duty finished, but still.

Panel 1, I’m at my mom’s house handing over her keys, saying “Thanks for letting me use your car.” She says, “Sure. You have fun in all the traffic?” Panel 2, I say, “Hilarious. I brought in your mail. This card here seems… familiar.” She says, “What the hell does that mean?” And I say, “You have to register for jury duty.” She says, “Oh, I do not.” Panel 3, she’s looking at the card, Panel 4, she says, “Son of a…” And I say, “Have fun with the traffic.”

She’s never had jury duty before, so that makes this all the more hilarious.

Tuesday, January 16, 2024

Bridge

True story that took place at the beginning of December. You know, just in time for the end of year holidays.

Panel 1, I’m sitting on the couch when my phone buzzes, Panel 2, I’m looking at the phone and I say, “Huh? An emergency alert?” Panel 3, I keep reading, Panel 4, I say, “Hm, ‘Catastrophic Failure’ is not a phrase you want associated the state’s main bridge.”

That’s really what it said. “At risk of catastrophic failure”. Hope no one has to go anywhere for the next three months. And they actually do fix it in that timeframe.

Tuesday, December 12, 2023

Special Offer

Tis the season.

That one day only offer lasted a good five days.

Tuesday, November 28, 2023

Definition

As related to me by my mom.

Panel 1, my mom is sitting on the couch reading a book, Panel 2, she pokes the book with the sound effect “Poke, poke”, Panel 3, she’s looking blank, Panel 4, she’s on the phone and says to me, “I tried to look up a word by tapping it on a physical book.” and I say back, “Huh. Sounds like it’s time to look at nursing homes.”

You can look up a word on Kindle by tapping on it. Not so much for a real book.

Thursday, November 23, 2023

Thanksgiving Comics #2

Today’s Thanksgiving! I’ll be eating desserts.

I’m with my mom again, and I say, “I made a cheesecake, peanut butter bars, and cookies. How many are coming?” And she says, “…Two.”

More cheesecake for me.

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