Showing posts with label my mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my mom. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 28, 2023

Definition

As related to me by my mom.
Panel 1, my mom is sitting on the couch reading a book, Panel 2, she pokes the book with the sound effect “Poke, poke”, Panel 3, she’s looking blank, Panel 4, she’s on the phone and says to me, “I tried to look up a word by tapping it on a physical book.” and I say back, “Huh. Sounds like it’s time to look at nursing homes.”
You can look up a word on Kindle by tapping on it. Not so much for a real book.

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Tuesday, July 25, 2023

Hornworm

All of my mom’s stories tend to be like this.
Panel 1, my mom goes out to check her tomato plant and says, “The tomatoes look nice! Huh, is that a hornworm?” Panel 2, close up on the hornworm, Panel 3, the hornworm has angry eyes and goes “Grrrrrr!” Panel 4, I’m standing with my mom and say, “There’s no way that happened.” She says, “I’m telling you! It put up its fists to fight!”
From what I gather, it was a pretty big worm.

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Saturday, June 17, 2023

Just Figuring It Out

It’s 6-66.
Panel 1, my mom, reading a book on her phone, going, “Huh.” Panel 2, she’s making a call, Panel 3, I’m on the phone with her and she says, “Did you know that in Rosemary’s Baby, she was due to give birth in June of ’66?” Panel 4, back to her, and I say, “Yes, I knew that, everyone knows that.” And she replies, “Huh!”
Honestly, I can’t be surprised since I can be the same way, but she’s been reading this book since before I was born.

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Saturday, May 27, 2023

Delicate Voice

This cat sounds like a siren going off.
Panel 1, I’m on the phone with my mom, and she says, “I think my Trixie is going deaf!” Panel 2, my mom at home with her cat, Trixie, sitting behind her, and from the phone I say, “What makes you think that?” Panel 3, Trixie lets out a deafening “MEOWWWWWW!!!!!!” that makes my mom jump, Panel 4, back to me, and my mom says, “Just a hunch.”

Thankfully I didn’t have to worry about this with my cat Veronica when she went deaf, as despite being a giant, fifteen pound ball of fur, Veronica could only ever muster a light trill when she meowed.

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Saturday, May 6, 2023

Subtle

Subtle like a baseball bat to the head.
Panel 1, me with my mom, and she’s showing me her phone and saying, “Look at this ring I found online!” Panel 2, she says, “Isn’t it pretty?” Panel 3, she says, “Mother’s Day is coming up…” Panel 4, she says, “Hint hint.” And I, annoyed, say, “I get it.”
I suppose I should be happy she’s giving me an idea when she usually doesn’t.

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Saturday, April 29, 2023

Nozzle

When my mom has something she can’t unscrew, she calls me.
Panel 1, I’m with my mom and she’s holding out a hose with a nozzle on the end, and she says, “Can you get this nozzle off the hose for me?” and I say, “Sure, it should be easy.” Panel 2, I’m working on it, panel 3, I’m pulling hard at it, and Panel 4, my mom says, “Any luck?” and I, passed out, say “It lives on there now.”
I found her a different hose.

FYI: blogger seems to be emailing me comments again, so yay?

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Saturday, March 11, 2023

Pipes

I’ve been up there a hundred times. Did she think I forgot?
Panel 1, I’m with my mom, she says, “The pipes are frozen. Would you go up to the attic and make sure the warmer is plugged in?” “Sure.” Panel 2, I’m opening the attic, “Watch where you step. The floor isn’t finished and you could come right through the ceiling.” Panel 3, I stare at her, annoyed. Panel 4, I say, “I grew up here.”
Apparently the pipe warmer got unplugged at some point.

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Saturday, February 25, 2023

Movies

The takeaway here should be that my mom just doesn’t listen to me when I talk.
Panel 1, I’m at my mom’s and we’re watching a movie like we do every super bowl Sunday, she says, “You ready to watch the movie?” Panel 2, I say, “Sure, but why are you on Netflix? The movie you showed me was on Amazon.” and she says, “So?” Panel 3, I stare at her, eyebrows pulled together, Panel 4, she goes “Wait, shit.” and I say, “There it is.”

And no, there’s nothing wrong with her hearing. Her listening, however…

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Saturday, December 10, 2022

Gifting

My mom really needs someone else to help her with heavy things.
Panel 1, my mom is pointing at a large box and saying “this package is too heavy. I need you to carry it in for me.” And I say “Okay.”, panel 2, I say, “Huh, did you get me an ottoman for Christmas?” She says, “What the… How could you possibly know that?” panel 3, I say “Well, you did comment that my old one was looking ratty several months ago. Plus it’s about the size of an ottoman.” Panel 4, I say “Also it says it’s an ottoman on the side of the box.” Panel 5, close up of the box, which says Ottoman, and also light brown with light spelled wrong, panel 6, my mom, looking mad, says “son of a—forget you saw that!”

Also, that spelling isn’t a mistake on my part. That’s actually what the package said.

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Saturday, September 17, 2022

Driving Force

My mom needed to have her eyes dilated, so I’m sure you can guess who got roped into driving her home after.
Panel 1, me and my mom in my mom's car, with me driving, panel 2, she's yelling you're going to slow, panel 3, she's yelling you're going too fast, panel 4, she's yelling you're too close to that other car are you trying to get me killed and I snap back I will drive this car into the overpass
She’s even more hypercritical than usual.

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Saturday, August 20, 2022

Sleeping!

This really did turn into a huge thing between me and my mom.
me with my mom, her showing me her phone asking about the sleepy face with a bubble emoji; panel 1, she says what is this, I say the sleeping emoji, you said you wanted a nap; panel 2, she say it's not sleeping, the emoji with the ZZZs on it is, and I say it means the same thing; panel 3, she says don't be ridiculous, it has a tear, it's crying, and I say it's not coming out of the eye, it's a bubble, not a tear; panel 4, she says you don't make a bubble when you sleep, I say you don't make ZZZs either but that doesn't bother you, she says it's not sleeping, it's crying, and I yell Sleeping.
Obviously it’s sleeping, right???

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Saturday, July 16, 2022

Ahhh! A Bug!

Everything she sees is a potential bug.
panel 1: me and my mom, she's screaming A bug and pointing at a blob, and I say it's a leaf; panel 2: she screams A bug and I tell her its a tuft of cat fur; panel 3, she screams A bug and I bend over and say it's just dirt; Panel 4, she screams A bug and I tell her it's not, she say that's a and I cut her off saying but it is part of one
It was a piece of a cricket, of course. Those things are always falling apart.

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Saturday, June 8, 2019

Help


It’s called cord-shaving. It’s good for some, not so good for others.
Bonus: she had it for two days before she decided she didn’t like it and got a new cable system.
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Saturday, February 23, 2019

No Sense


I hate it when I’m with my mom and she asks me to do a favor for her. Especially going to the store up the street.
There’s a reason why she does most of her grocery shopping at a store in a different town. The one up the street is like a game that no one can win.
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