Specifically, what television has taught me about story structure and characterization.
1. Any problem can be solved with no serious ramifications.
2. The male lead and the female lead will always end up doing it (if they’re not already married). More than one of each? Also doing it.
3.a At the end of the episode, everything has to be right back the way it was.
3.b At the end of the episode, if everything isn’t back to normal, assume it is at the beginning of the next episode (also known as The Honeymooner’s clause).
4.a If the villain wins, the hero ends up learning a lesson.
4.b If the hero acts poorly, he always ends up learning a lesson.
5. Act like you have an overall plan worked out and everything will be all right. Lost.
6.a Overweight men have no trouble finding hot, thin wives who put up with their bulls**t.
6.b All women are thin. And have had work done (You want proof? Desperate Housewives. Enough said).
7. “It was all a dream” is an acceptable ending.
Now, that was fun. Go enter the contest! You have nothing to lose! You might even win!