Title: A SAFE PLACE IN HELL
Word count: 75,000
Okay, I've whittled it down to two basic pitches:
Version 1: Eddie shot a soldier—genius move. Now he’s fleeing across the deadlands, his friends are dying, and sanctuary looks out of reach.
Version 2: How’d this happen? Eddie fleeing across the deadlands, dodging bullets and watching his friends die? Oh. Right. He pissed off the wrong guy.
I think #2 has more voice, but I've heard people don't like to see questions in pitches. Note that neither one is truly complete (2 is too long) but I'd like to figure out which one is best before adding the finishing touches. Thoughts?