Random Thoughts

---Facebook was the most searched for item on Wikipedia in 2012 (at least in English). Number 2? WIKI.

---That’s some meta sh!t right there.

---Actual newspaper headline: “Ride inside inflatable ball on ski slope turns deadly”. In other news, water is wet, heat is hot, and the law of gravity is still in effect.

---This is a particular species of caterpillar’s butt.

---The word “jeep” was invented by Popeye the sailor. It became a vehicle type years after it was a magical animal in the Popeye-verse.

---The most common phrases in fraud emails are things like “cover up” “nobody will find out” and “illegal”. With words like that, how the hell do these scams work?

---“Snake on a plane fails to survive”. Samuel L. Jackson: “You’re welcome.”

---You catch more flies with balsamic vinegar than honey.

---I hear/read “uncouth” all the time, but when was the last time you saw something being couth?

---“Penguins are efficient killers”. If you’re hiring a hitman, I suppose it’s good to know.

---Wait, so hitman isn’t in the dictionary, but “hetman” is? What the hell does that even mean?

---According to Dictionary.com: “the title assumed by the chief of Ukrainian Cossacks of the Dnieper River region, with headquarters at Zaporozhe.” Thank you, Microsoft Word, for having all the important words in your dictionary.

---You might be wondering why I make hitman one word instead of two. Well, short answer, I play way too many video games.

---Or should I call them “hitpeople”?

All the snow reminded me of a story which basically illustrates the reason my mom let me get my driver’s license at 16:

Her [waking me up]: The snow plows are coming. We need to move my car.

Me: Okay. What do you need me to do?

Her [beat]: Move my car.

Random Thoughts

---Yes. Again.

---This is what I do when I have no idea what to write. Rather than try to come up with something interesting, I just type random words.

---Give me a break. It’s almost Thanksgiving and I’m busy helping my mom clean the house. Projects include removing the switch plates to clean them.

---If you ignore the “Do Not Enter” sign and go the wrong way on a one way street, don’t stop on a curve and spend five minutes turning around.

---Then again, if you do ignore the sign, you probably don’t have the best judgment anyway.

---There’s a new laser surgery to turn brown eyes blue. No thanks. I think my brown eyes are pretty and will take them over the probable vision damage and dry eyes.

---If you ever get attacked by a shark, rub its nose. Seriously, it works.

---Awesome. I get a new laptop and my TV starts crapping out on me.

---The Halo Effect: When someone who is an authority in one area is listened to even when his/her advice is outside the parameters of his/her expertise.

---Another definition: When someone doesn’t leave the house for three days straight in order to play video games.

---Not that I can experience that. Again, the TV. How I miss TV.

---A live hamster was given to a snake for lunch. The snake decided not to eat the hamster, but hang around with it. The adorable hamster doesn’t seem to realize he’s in danger. He crawls around on the snake like it’s nothing. That’s certainly better than the 16-foot snake that ate a deer.

---I could watch videos of animals all day. I could post more links, but I won’t because then none of us would get anything done.

---Dear Bully is a moving collection of stories where authors recount the bullying they endured growing up. Apparently, we were all bullied.

---My favorite part of thisis “Now I’m forced to hustle for a living as a ‘freelance writer,’ like that’s a thing anymore.” Bizzow!

---What your mother ate when she was pregnant with you influences how the particular food tastes to you. Fact.

---You probably learned in school that there are seven continents. In reality, “continents” is a term so vague that it borders on meaningless.

---The automated telemarketer that just called annoys me less than its incorrect grammar usage does.

---Good night! Or afternoon. Whatever.