From The Spamfiles

Let’s see what the Spam Fairy has brought for us this week.

Obviously a cancer widow, and one who doesn’t know how to use question marks.

Yes, I’m sure the British High Commission (whatever that is) is very interested in giving me, a non-Brit, many things.

Gee, I don’t remember sending these to myself, but I don’t remember not sending them to myself.

Yet another cancer widow, I assume. She really is stressing me with her predicaments.

Oh isn’t this just a parade of red flags. I love them advising me (oops, advicing me) to prohibit other transaction with an unknown source.

From The Spamfiles

Happy Spamintines Day!

Shut up. It might be a thing.

Life insurance spam has always intrigued me. It’s not much different from the casino spam, really. It wants money from you, promises a payout, and will absolutely not deliver should the time come.

I didn’t actually look at the message, but it’s safe to assume it’s a cancer widow. And it’s VERY VERY URGENT!!!

And the real root cause is hearing loss, obviously. Now make it go away! I’m sick of the constant beeping in my ears!

It’s kind of insulting when they don’t bother to make it look like a real email address. They’re not even trying!

This is… one of the weirder spambot followers I’ve had lately. Is that seriously a pregnant woman????? This raises all kinds of questions as to why, and I don’t want to know any of the answers.

From The Spamfiles

Let’s see how people have tried to scam me this week…

Now, she doesn’t say she’s a widow, but she does have cancer and wants to give me her money. As well as her body to science “as an offering to humanity”. Yeah, sure, good idea.

My unread message from Contact says they’re waiting for my answer about their party. That’s how you know it’s not for me, because no one I know would ever think I’d want to go to a party, crazy or otherwise.

If this message is in your spam folder, it’s because of your ISP, not because this is an obvious scam, beneficiary.

I love it when I get messages for accounts I don’t have from email addresses that have nothing to do with the place supposedly contacting me. Bonus points for saying my account ends in all X’s. That’s super legit.
 

Another new follower. I’ve got to say, the staring at the wall away from the camera is vaguely creepy. Makes me think the Blair Witch is going to jump out at me or something.

From The Spamfiles

There’s always more spam.

I 100% support the LGBTQA+ community, but no, I do not want Gay Porn or “Gay Dating News” (make up your mind which one of those things it is, because they are very different things).

Oh, I love this. You might not be able to read this, but it says “Diplomatic agent” (capitalization left intact) James Philip is conveying my “consignment box”, whatever the hell that is. It makes me laugh, until I realize there must be someone out there falling for these, and then it just makes me sad.

She’s writing me this message “with tears and sorrow”. Don’t even need to read further. It’s a cancer widow. Or possibly a girl who has been cut off from her family’s money by an evil stepmother. Either way, the exclamation point indicates she’s excited about it.

This one says I can eliminate the appearance of wrinkles in under two “minliites”. Did they… did they replace the U in minutes with an LII? Why? It doesn’t even make a U! It makes a UI!

Rest assured, this is not spam. It says so in the message.

Not just A professional network has chosen me, THE professional network. It’s okay to be jealous.

From The Spamfiles

Yay, spam! It’s so much easier to deal with than real life.

The “Do I fit your tastes?” combined with the “Last seen 10 minutes ago” makes it seem like somebody thinks I’m a serial killer, which is not true, I’m not a serial killer.

She’s not Nancy, she’s “Nancy”. She’s only Nancy ironically.

This one… seems kind of unique. It wants to give me homework help, but in the preview line it says, ahem, “8 ways to master microwave breakfasts”. Is that a big homework problem people have?

LISTEN VERY INTENTLY TO THIS EMAIL YOU ARE READING TO YOURSELF. ALSO OUR CAPS LOCK KEY IS STUCK.
 

The cancer widows are back! I was getting worried that they all died.

I can one hundred percent guarantee that no, I have not ever thought of us as a couple.
 
This is Bat Fastard signing off.

From The Spamfiles

Here we go.

A cancer widow! We all must help them with their large amounts of money during these trying times! We don’t want her to get scammed now, do we?

If you’ll “try anything once… Twice… Three times…” it’s not so much “trying anything” as it is “doing anything at any time for any reason”.

Honestly, just posting this one because I think Androstoma would make a good name for a story.

I think the CDC has their hands full with more than CBD right now.

Ah, yes. Warren Buffet is always randomly giving away large sums of money instead of filtering it through charities he owns for tax breaks. And calling himself “Mr. Warren”.

I should give her email address to Mr. Warren. I think they’d suit each other.

From The Spamfiles

Spam time! It’s been too long.

This widow needs help! Quick! To the Batmobile!

Apparently Greg is a Silver Single. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Okay, I definitely threw up in my mouth this time.

Nu are the beginning and end of all things.

Apparently, this one’s Dutch for “Sore, moldy feet? Spray with this and it will be over in a few days. You can unsubscribe here.” I can’t even begin to tell you what’s wrong with this.

And here’s what happens if I don’t check the spam filter for a few days.

From The Spamfiles

One answer Liz gave me last week, which she heard from someone else, is that the reason for the spam comment was because someone was trying to rig SEO to kick up their website in search results. So in addition to being liars, they really want to spread their misinformation. Jerkoffs.

Anyway, spam.

What’s just to say hello? The kissing emojis? Because that’s not really a hello.

I know. The hello.

That many free spins would make me nauseous.

Look, another spam comment, although this one’s much nicer than the last one. Not sure I’d trust anyplace called “horsyland” though (because yes, we all want your amateur opinion). I wish I thought to check where the link actually goes to. Probably somewhere similar to her email address.

A cancer widow! I mean, it doesn’t say specifically if she’s a widow, but they always are.

And the sext is fire, apparently. Frankly, it’s better than what’s usually sent in those.