More Weird Searches

Weird searches! I love these. Finding out what people search for on the internet is always an interesting experience. And it’s been a while since we’ve done one of these. This is the first one in 2016!

How to tie a tie. Fair enough. It’s hard. How to be single. Don’t get why you have to ask that, but whatevs. How to screenshot on a Mac. I get it, Apple is confusing when you’re used to Windows. But. But. How to get away with a murderer. Not like the show, How to Get Away With Murder. With a murderer. Anyone else freaked out about this?

Is it possible to sleep too much? I’d like to be the test case for finding out.

It is possible to time travel. We do it all the time, going forward in time at the speed of regular time.

Sorry buddy, you’ve got herpes for life. Also, you probably shouldn’t be asking the internet if there’s a god. It’s probably not the best source.

A broken heart is best fixed by lots of ice cream. And revenge. Also, seriously, if you broke your toe, go to the frigging emergency room, what the hell, why are you looking this up online. Get a doctor.

Internet Searches that Have Got to Stop

And now, the horrible truth of some bizarre internet searches that are so common that Google brings them up if you type in an innocent sequence of words. I don’t remember what exactly I was searching, just that it started with “Is it possible to never”. Then things got weird.

Do people…really want to know this? Is there someone alive who has not pooped or farted? I just...this gives me a headache.

Another time, I was typing something like “can a cat eat vegetables” (long story, one of my cats keeps trying to eat celery) but I accidentally hit a z instead of the c for cat and I got…

Honestly, it’s less weird than the other one, but it also makes me think that people actually think it could happen and oh that’s depressing for humanity. And what’s with the yahoo? Are they the ones that are going to bring the zombie apocalypse down on us? Google I can see being behind something like that, but not Yahoo. I’m sure they’d try and maybe they’d eventually get it to work, but by then we’d have all moved on to better zombie apocalypses.

And finally, I was looking up something else and the auto fill gave this…

I don’t know what’s the matter with Kansas. Or the meaning of life. Or how a search engine can answer that. Seriously people, it’s a search engine, not god.

Have you ever stumbled across any crazy/disturbing searches?

Questionable

As a writer, I have to spend a lot of time researching my posts so as not to make an ass of myself when people read what I write. Some of the subjects are bizarre (what explosive decompression feels like), some are gross (pretty much every medical issue I’ve looked up), and others are probably putting me on government watch lists (I’ll leave this one to the imagination). But, in the name of writing, I am happy to have a questionable search history. It’s all for the sake of the book.

Now, I usually start researching by going to Google, because come on, what else am I going to do? Like most search engines, Google will fill in the blanks when I start typing in the search box. Usually this is helpful, but have you ever noticed how alarming some of the fill-ins are? And keep in mind, fill-ins appear based on the most popular searches. It leaves some questions. Like what the hell is going on in the world today. Don’t believe me?

Exhibit 1: When will…

Ios 7, okay. “When Will I See You Again” is a song, so sure, makes sense. But really people, do you think Google is going to know when you’re going to croak or the world is going to explode into a hellscape of nothingness? I know it’s hard to believe, but Google isn’t God.

Exhibit 2: Why am I…

This one just seems like a cry for help.

Exhibit 3: Is it possible…

I believe my reaction to this one can best be described as o__O.