It’s Tidy in the Large Sense

To the giant spider that somehow crawled up a pipe and into my bathroom sink: this is for you. Go die now.

Like this. Only bigger. Much, much bigger.

The Tidy, Mighty Spider

(sung to the tune of The Itsy Bitsy Spider, a title I believe to be a fallacy)

The tidy, mighty spider

Crawled out the bathroom drain

I turned the faucet and

Washed the spider down

I plugged up the drain and

When I returned again

The tidy, mighty spider

Popped out th’plug for its revenge

If only this weren’t what actually happened. It actually popped out the drain plug, that’s how big it was, is what I’m saying.

Now I shall retreat to my corner with the torch I use to burn all the spiders that are after me, you know it’s true.

Random Thoughts

---Yeah, another one. I don’t mean to inflict so many on you, but I didn’t do my posts on Saturday and then I got a headache on Sunday. So…

---The world might run out of seafood by 2048. Just a happy thought to start your day

---“Hike up your skirt a little more/show your world to me.” Dave Mathew’s songs touch me in a bad place.

---In your face, Happy Birthday copyright!

---In a completely unrelated note, thank you, Luke Barats.

---Mind twister: calling something unremarkable is remarking on it, thus making it remarkable.

---If your five year old is having problems on the bus, the solution isn’t to beat up another five year old.

---For some reason, I find this comment suspicious: “I always take the time to read this website for its articles or reviews. My website: PORNO!”

---What the hell is a “Channing Tatum”?

---For every person on Earth, there’s one million ants. We should just find a new planet now.

---You got to check out “Scale of the Universe 2” on Newgrounds. Amazing. Seriously, go do it now. I’ll wait.

---See? Look at me waiting.

And now, another transcript of a conversation between me and my mom. It was during the Superbowl (for all you non-Americans, it’s a day to eat chicken wings, drink beer and yell at men on TV who can’t hear you) and since neither one of us is interested in football, the game was only turned on by accident. The Pats were ahead at this time and closing in on the Giants’ goal (before as per usual, getting their asses handed to them in the last minute).

Me: Close score.

Her: If the Giants make the next goal, they’ll tie the game.

Me: Yeah, but they’re closer to their goal right now, so it might not happen.

Her: Well, look. It’s only ten yards away. They could do it.

Me: No, I’m talking about the Giants, not the Patriots.

Her: So am I.

A moment passes, both of us confused at what the other is getting at.

Me: It’s the Giants’ goal.

Her: I know! They could make the point.

Me: No they couldn’t! The teams make points by crossing the other team’s goal!

She pauses, trying to figure it out.

Her: Really? That’s how it works?

Me [crazy by now]: In every game in every sport!

If she wasn’t so honestly unenlightened about football, I’d think she was messing with me just to drive me insane.

Of course, she ended up being right. Not about the goals, but about the Giants making another touchdown and winning the game. Pretty impressive considering the last time the Patriots and the Giants played in the Superbowl, I turned the game on just as the same thing happened.

Apparently, my super power is to decide who wins these games. You’re welcome, New York.