Random Thoughts

---“Cicadas set to overrun East Coast”…this summer is not going to be fun.

---It’s also known as the “Cicadapocalypse”.

---“Aught” means both something and nothing. I know I’ve mentioned this before. I just find it fascinating.

---“Woman arrested for slapping wrong child at school”. I don’t think you’re allowed to do that even if it’s the right child.

---“Big Newly Discovered Spider as Big as Your Face”. It also latches hold of your head and lays an alien in your chest. I assume.

---Seriously, as big as your face. AS BIG AS YOUR FACE.

---Verizon patented a cable box that uses infrared to watch people for specific activities while they watch television so they can target advertisements. The activities? Talking, laughing, singing, and playing an instrument among other things. Laughing I get. Talking—maybe, if the show’s boring or someone won’t shut up while I’m watching Criminal Minds, dammit. But who the hell sings or plays an instrument in front of the television?

---There are also apparently programs that try to detect how expensive your computer is and try to target ads based on it. Which explains why I’m always getting “Go back to school and earn more!” ads.

---China is now censoring the word “censorship” from its internet. So now they won’t know they’re being censored, I guess.

---The Founder of 99 cent stores died. I don’t like to make jokes about deaths, so I’ll just point out that he turned that idea into a billion dollar empire.

---A school in Washington state canceled classes due to the weather. That weather being sunshine. Perhaps they were afraid of the strange orb of fire in the sky.

While helping my mom move furniture (seriously, I hate when she takes vacations):

Her: This is impossible to move. There are no handles!

Me: It’s a desk.

…As big as your face.

Random Thoughts

---It’s been such a long time. I’ve missed these.
---You know what? Sometimes I just want to look up song lyrics. STOP TRYING TO SELL ME RINGTONES.

---“Scientists create tractor beam”. YES! One step closer to Star Trek!

---I accidentally knocked into my old clarinet case and a bunch of Pixy Sticks spilled out. My first thought was “How long have those been in there?” (More than five years, definitely). My second thought was “Do Pixy Sticks go bad?”

---For the record, no, I did not eat them. I had plenty of peanut butter M&Ms so there was no need to.

---Actual headline: “Middle School Wrestlers On Top!” Must…not…make…obvious…joke. Brain…OVERLOADING…

---Space smells like burning metal.

---Although the center of the galaxy is raspberry flavored rum.

---“Sony to make last MiniDisc stereo system in March”. Somehow they’ve been out for twenty one years and I’ve never heard of them. Props for the dedication to stupid ideas, Sony.

---Not the PS2 though. Anyone who badmouths it will be unfriended for life. Also I’ll punch you.

---A guy found the largest prime number yet. He received a $3000 grant for doing so. Math!

---“Curiosity killed the cat” doesn’t mean curiosity is danger. The original meaning of the phrase was that worrying killed the cat. Not sure why it always had to be cats, but there you go.

---The state of Mississippi just ratified the thirteenth amendment (outlawing slavery) in February. Way to stay on the ball, guys.

---The fax machine was invented in 1843.

---A Russian bus driver rams cars that rudely cut him off in traffic. With the approval of his employer.

---Now that they have 3D printers, there’s only one more horizon to breach: 4D printers. They print out time itself.

---Well, what did you think they were going to do now that they found the Higgs boson?
---Futurama is ending. Not canceled (again) but actually, factually ending. Prepare to ingest cyanide capsules now.

Random Thoughts

---Well, Thanksgiving has passed for another year and I am probably off in a turkey coma, so yeah. Random Thoughts.

---Actual correction in the newspaper: “The tortoise won its race with the hare in Aesop’s fable about those animals. A clue in Sunday’s crossword puzzle inaccurately described the race’s outcome.” It’s…I…how does anyone get that wrong???
---Also, the correction appeared on a Wednesday, so it took them at least a day to notice.

---Speaking of newspapers, actual headline: “Death at cockroach eating contest raises questions.” Yes. Several.
---Sometimes I see people still advertising their LiveJournals and it’s like, how adorable. Which only reminds me that in three years someone’s going to be doing that to me about Blogger.

---Hell, make that three months.

---Back when I wrote the post about the “Tidy, Mighty Spider”, I learned that tidy really is a synonym for large, as in, a tidy sum. Before I looked up synonyms of large, I thought it meant a figuratively neat sum. Who knew?

---Despite only ten percent of the population being left-handed, more than half of the last thirteen US presidents have been lefties (Truman, Ford, Reagan, George H.W. Bush, Clinton, and Obama were while Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Carter and George W. Bush were not), as well as a good deal of presidential candidates. So I guess not everything is prejudiced against the left-handed after all.

---Why don’t they call it Random Penguin House? Dammit, it’s the most awesome company name in all of history and they just pass it up! Guys! The F---!

---If you ever need to perform CPR, remember: 100 beats per minute. According to Ryan North, the easiest way to keep track is by singing “Another One Bites the Dust”, with a chest compression on each beat.

---And another one gone, and another one gone, another one bites the dust!

---When the people come to me begging for help after I kept warning that Christmas music and commercials are starting earlier and earlier to the point where there is no visible difference between the holiday season and the rest of the year, I will look down at them and whisper “No.”