---“Cicadas set to overrun East Coast”…this summer is not going to be fun.
---It’s also known as the “Cicadapocalypse”.
---“Aught” means both something and nothing. I know I’ve mentioned this before. I just find it fascinating.
---“Woman arrested for slapping wrong child at school”. I don’t think you’re allowed to do that even if it’s the right child.
---“Big Newly Discovered Spider as Big as Your Face”. It also latches hold of your head and lays an alien in your chest. I assume.
---Seriously, as big as your face. AS BIG AS YOUR FACE.
---Verizon patented a cable box that uses infrared to watch people for specific activities while they watch television so they can target advertisements. The activities? Talking, laughing, singing, and playing an instrument among other things. Laughing I get. Talking—maybe, if the show’s boring or someone won’t shut up while I’m watching Criminal Minds, dammit. But who the hell sings or plays an instrument in front of the television?
---There are also apparently programs that try to detect how expensive your computer is and try to target ads based on it. Which explains why I’m always getting “Go back to school and earn more!” ads.
---China is now censoring the word “censorship” from its internet. So now they won’t know they’re being censored, I guess.
---The Founder of 99 cent stores died. I don’t like to make jokes about deaths, so I’ll just point out that he turned that idea into a billion dollar empire.
---A school in Washington state canceled classes due to the weather. That weather being sunshine. Perhaps they were afraid of the strange orb of fire in the sky.
While helping my mom move furniture (seriously, I hate when she takes vacations):
Her: This is impossible to move. There are no handles!
Me: It’s a desk.
…As big as your face.