Saturday, July 26, 2014

Apocalypse Log: The Robot Uprising

One thing that’s always bothered me about robot uprisings in literature and movies: the robots always go about it so damned inefficiently. This is especially true if the robot uprising is just focused on Earth. I mean, hello? Just destroy the atmosphere and wait for us to die off! You’re robots! You don’t need it!

But I suppose I shouldn’t be giving them pointers.

What to do When If Machines try to Kill Us

1. Head to somewhere where there are no robots. Like the middle of the Amazon rainforest. Sure, you’ll be immediately killed by all the wildlife. But not the robots.

2. Make sure there’s not an off switch somewhere on the robot. Hell, you might just be able to yell “Xbox Turn Off”.

3. Buy up all the magnets you can find. Build a house out of them.

4. Start hanging around with my sister. Computers don’t do well around her. Her presence could disable a Transformer.

5. When all else fails: offer yourselves as their slaves. Come on. Do you really think that your meat-made body is going to win against our titanium overlords?

What will you do when our machines rebel? And do not say time travel. Do not make me get into why the Terminator series makes no sense.


  1. Probably grudgingly write about it. It would satisfy some of my fans. :P

  2. Magnets! What an awesome idea.
    Won't ask about the Terminator series since I really like the first couple movies.

  3. I laughed at #2, raised my eyebrows and nodded at #3, and laughed at #4. :)

  4. Well of course the Terminator series makes no sense. They had the audacity to cast Sam "Hopelessly Wooden Actor" Worthington along the line.

  5. Well, there's got to be a way to disable them. So, first thing, find the guy who built them. He'll (or she'll) know where that off switch is.

  6. It's no fun being the overlord of nobody. That's why they keep us alive.


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