Apocalypse Log: The Robot Uprising

One thing that’s always bothered me about robot uprisings in literature and movies: the robots always go about it so damned inefficiently. This is especially true if the robot uprising is just focused on Earth. I mean, hello? Just destroy the atmosphere and wait for us to die off! You’re robots! You don’t need it!

But I suppose I shouldn’t be giving them pointers.

What to do When If Machines try to Kill Us

1. Head to somewhere where there are no robots. Like the middle of the Amazon rainforest. Sure, you’ll be immediately killed by all the wildlife. But not the robots.

2. Make sure there’s not an off switch somewhere on the robot. Hell, you might just be able to yell “Xbox Turn Off”.

3. Buy up all the magnets you can find. Build a house out of them.

4. Start hanging around with my sister. Computers don’t do well around her. Her presence could disable a Transformer.

5. When all else fails: offer yourselves as their slaves. Come on. Do you really think that your meat-made body is going to win against our titanium overlords?

What will you do when our machines rebel? And do not say time travel. Do not make me get into why the Terminator series makes no sense.

Short Stories, Apocalypse Version

Because I promised another apocalypse post, right? So I gathered up some apocalyptic short stories for you. All written by dudes, I’m noticing. We need more women writing apocalyptic short stories (luckily we have Margaret Atwood and Susan Beth Pfeffer to deal with long form).

Year of the Jackpot by Robert A. Heinlein. Really more of a long story at ninety five pages. You can buy it for two dollars, kind of a lot really, but I remember it being a good story about the world seeming to reach a peak of insanity. The ending is probably one of my favorites.

Last Contact by Stephen Baxter. It’s a story about dark energy, cool enough, and a sudden “big rip” as the universe is suddenly pulled apart, vanishing before our eyes. Unfortunately, it’s not online anymore, a real shame. I wish I mentioned it when I first read it (of course, I didn’t have a blog then, so it may have been difficult). If you can find it somewhere, I highly recommend it.

The Scarlet Plague by Jack London. I love Jack London, so I just had to include his story of life after a plague wipes out most of the planet and returns the few survivors to a pre-industrial level. It’s a pandemic story from ninety nine years ago. It’s worth reading for that alone.

The Spider by Hans Heinz. Okay, confession, this isn’t an apocalypse story. But it is about impending doom, so I think I can kind of make it work? Well, whatever, it’s my blog. I make the rules. Anyway! It’s about a med student investigating a hotel room where everyone ends up hanging themselves. Not all that different from 1408 by Stephen King, but I liked this one better.

What apocalypse related stories do you like? Or short fiction in general?