Okay, so I came across this online. Also this and this (thank you the daily wh.at) but those aren’t relevant. Just awesome.
But it got me thinking about what the rejection slips of today would be like for those of us who have sent query after query only to receive the polite brush off of: “It just isn’t right for me.” Granted, there are some occasions where a manuscript really isn’t what the agent represents, but when it isn’t right for anyone, you start to think maybe it’s the writing, not that it’s inappropriate.
So for you, I made the Agents Rejection List that I’m sure you hope will never come with a returned mail/email. Feel free to add more in the comments!
Thank you for the opportunity to look at your work. Unfortunately, I must pass for the reason checked off below:
1. I’m already representing something similar.
2. I don’t represent that particular genre.
3. It just didn’t resonate with me.
4. You had “was” nine times in the first paragraph. It’s like you live in the past tense.
5. I’m not sure if what you sent me is actually in English.
6. Unoriginal. There is already a book about a vampire boy falling in love with a human girl.
7. Not interesting. The first five pages you sent me are all background on the main character. So were the second five pages.
8. 150,000 words? It’s freaking middle grade!
9. 100,000 words is still too much.
10 I doubt I can secure the one hundred thousand dollar advance you requested.
11 You used the phrase “fiction novel.”
12 You misspelled my name.
13 It’s “heroine,” not “heroin.”
14 I’m leaving agenting to be a rodeo clown. Don’t try to find me.
15 Is this a joke? Okay, Chris, you got me. I fell for it. But no one could write a book this bad and mean it. Wait, you were serious? Let me laugh harder.
16 I’m pretty sure I rejected this book last week.
17 Have you even heard of spell check? F7 buddy. F7.
18 My client list is full.