Things I Hate About Querying

Besides, you know, everything.

1. Synopses.

I have to write about the book. Why is it so impossible? It took me more than a year to write the book and get it to the point that it was good enough to be seen. And I would do it all over again if I didn’t have to write a synopsis. Is it even possible to write one that doesn’t stink?

2. Getting rejected.

As of yesterday, I’ve sent out ten queries. I’ve only had two responses. Both within two days of the query. Both rejections. People can talk about “thick skin” and staying positive all they want. That doesn’t make it any less of a kick to the teeth.

3. No response at all.

Agents are busy, so I’m not against non-responding. But it’s still anxiety inducing.

4. Screwing up.

Oh, man, ten queries, and I forgot to paste in the sample pages TWICE. A twenty percent screw up rate is not good! I put “PASTE IN PAGES” at the end of my query (plus I highlighted it) so now I won’t forget. I hope.

5. Snail mail.

There are still agents who insist on being queried by snail mail. Heck, there are agencies without websites. Is this what it was like back in the before-time, the ancient era when there were those huge, clunky computers that could only type words (I’ve heard them called “type-writers”)? What a frightening time that must have been.

This post brought to you by: venting.

Synopsis

The most dreaded word in a writer’s vocabulary. Except maybe for pitch. But it’s definitely above query.

The thing about a synopsis is, it can’t just be a play-by-play of the book, because that would be boring. It has to be as interesting as your writing so any potential readers will know why the book is slap-across-the-face awesome. I’m…I’m not sure where I was going with that.

Type “writing a synopsis for a novel” in your search engine, and you’ll get twenty five million results (give or take a million). Most of the ones I’ve read give guidelines along the lines of “Who is the main character?” or “Describe what forces your main character to change.” Yes, they expect us to come up with something interesting with dull prompts like that. I wonder how they’d react if I said “I force the main character to change by writing the novel.”

Probably like this.

And then we have the ones that advise going through the novel, writing down everything important that happens, and turning that into a synopsis. It sounds like good advice, but in practice, not so useful because then you have a bunch of sentences and no idea how to connect them into a coherent, engaging piece of writing.

Okay, so the guidelines are as useful as someone slamming you upside the head with a wooden board. No fear. There actually are some good ones out there. Susan Dennard did an amazing article on synopses at Publishing Crawl. First she gives some basic info, then some reminders about what is especially needed for a synopsis (only three named characters, tell the ending), then she gives an actual example of how to write one. She uses Star Wars as her basis, making it easy to follow since pretty much everyone has seen that movie. Instead of frustrating, impossible to define questions, she asks for fill in the blanks for things like “Protagonist Intro” and “Winning seems imminent, but…”. In short, it’s not what people want. It’s how to do it.

Anyway, if you want to know how to do a synopsis, go here. The other important piece of advice I remember (though I don’t remember where I got it from): get beta readers for your synopsis, too. From people who haven’t read your book, so you know if it’s enticing and informative.

That’s all the wisdom* I have. What are your thoughts on synopses? Any advice?

*And by wisdom, I mean stuff I learned from other people’s blogs.

…Done?

Could it be? COLLAPSE has been outlined, edited for repetition/unnecessary words, read aloud and read by beta readers. I have got two different versions of a query, a synopsis, and I’ve edited them all twice. This is as good as it’s going to get. I think.

I always get nervous when I finish a book, because I know there is nothing left to do but query, and that makes me want to curl into a ball and rock back and forth murmuring nonsense. I believe in my book. I think it’s good. But as to whether it’s good enough…

Let’s just say self-confidence isn’t my strong suit.

I’ve submitted other books and, sadly, all have been rejected. But I felt equally as proud of them and believed in each one just as much as the last. I’d like to say this one is better because I worked a lot harder on editing, but…well, it’s that self-confidence thing again. What do I do if no one likes it? Do I write something else or keep editing? Is it my writing style or my story or my characters or the query or my everything?

Yes, I work myself up into a nice little panic. It never stops me from trying, though.

I better go edit my query again.

Do any of you have any good query stories and/or advice for querying? Want to beta read a query for me? What about you self-pub people? Any thoughts on going the Indie route?