It’s that time again. “Already?” you’re probably asking and I can only answer well, if you don’t talk about amusing spam in your spare time, what DO you do?
“I can’t believe your arrest?” or, as a variation “I saw your mother’s arrest record!”
An arrest is the kind of thing you remember. Am I supposed to open this email in worries that my identity has been tarnished? Out of sheer confusion? And of course there’s the biggest insult of all: a question mark at the end of a sentence that isn’t really a question. For shame, spammers. And hello? They didn’t catch my mom so there’s no way you saw her record.
“WINNING NOTIFICATION.” From “farmpetcontrol”. At Africamail. I didn’t realize that the farm pet control division of Africamail took care of notifying the contest winners. It seems like they should have a department just for that rather than taxing the already busy farm pet controllers.
“Senior Singles Online Now!” I can’t even begin to tell you what’s wrong with that. Let’s say I am interested in online dating. What the hell is it about me that screams “Silver Foxes Only”? If you don’t get what I’m talking about, don’t stop to think about it, just move on to the next.
“Spam?” This is an actual title to an email I received. It’s announcing what it is, but apparently is not sure about it. It’s okay, little email. Believe in yourself and work hard and someday you really will be spam.
Finally, a telemarketing call I received (remember: telemarketing is just the spam of phones). What’s interesting about it is not the call itself, which was just another political thing the day before the election, but that the caller ID had the number 555-5555. The name? DEWEY CHEETHAM. It may be the most awesome name in the history of caller ID.